


Delicate

by Poe



Series: when we become who we are [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Actor Steve Rogers, Actual mature discussions like proper grownups, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Anxiety, Beta'd, Fandom, Fandom Culture, Femme Bucky Barnes, How Fandom Culture can be a little bit toxic sometimes?, Irish Steve Rogers, It's mostly fluff because have you met me?, Nonbinary Bucky Barnes, Other, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Sequel (kind of), Steve Uses His Words, Takes place immediately after EUPHORIA, The bit after getting together, Tiny bit of angst with a happy ending, Where you're figuring out if it's going to work, Writer Bucky Barnes, nonbinary author, they/them pronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:06:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poe/pseuds/Poe
Summary: “I should go home,” Bucky says, voice full of regret. They’ve had their head rested on the flat of Steve’s chest, nodding gently up and down as Steve breathes, the warmth of Steve’s body radiating and warming their cheek like a shared blush.Steve pauses from stroking Bucky’s hair, and Bucky makes a small whine of protest. The stroking resumes.“I think you should stay forever,” Steve says, voice deeper with sleep and accent heavy. Bucky grins, soft and secret.*Takes place after EUPHORIA, and Steve and Bucky are working out if this can actually be a thing. (Spoiler: it can.)
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: when we become who we are [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1716919
Comments: 27
Kudos: 60





	Delicate

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so the soundtrack for this is DEFINITELY Delicate by Taylor Swift. Have a listen, if you want.
> 
> This follows on from EUPHORIA in the series, I don't think it works as a standalone, we're in too deep now.
> 
> No major content warnings, just discussion of where their relationship is going to go, and mentions of fandom culture and how it can be toxic sometimes. Bucky uses they/them pronouns, refers to themselves as Steve's girl and leans heavily into the femme side of the spectrum. 
> 
> Beta'd once again by the beautiful and magnificent jesuisgrace.

“I should go home,” Bucky says, voice full of regret. They’ve had their head rested on the flat of Steve’s chest, nodding gently up and down as Steve breathes, the warmth of Steve’s body radiating and warming their cheek like a shared blush.

Steve pauses from stroking Bucky’s hair, and Bucky makes a small whine of protest. The stroking resumes.

“I think you should stay forever,” Steve says, voice deeper with sleep and accent heavy. Bucky grins, soft and secret.

“Could I do that? Would you want me to?” They ask, because this is all so fast, so intense, and it feels like it might break at any moment, like a snow globe, the outside world moving around outside of the two of them, but they’re under glass, protected – for now.

Steve pushes himself up a little bit, careful not to jar Bucky’s neck as they move with him, bodies already so in sync.

“If you wanted to,” Steve says, and rubs his other hand over his face, then through his hair, ruffling what is already a bird’s nest even further. “God, this is – so much, isn’t it?”

“I’d ask ‘ _what are we?’_ , but it feels cliché,” Bucky says, tilting their chin up slightly, so they can just see the curve of Steve’s jaw, pale blond stubble just edging through.

“But you do want to ask, all the same,” Steve says with a smile, and Bucky grins again, because how does this man know them so certainly already?

“What are we, Steve?” Bucky asks, a thousand futures spinning out in front of them in the blink of an eye.

Steve moves his hand from Bucky’s hair and down to Bucky’s cheekbone, thumbing the edge of Bucky’s mouth, before resting on the pulse point of Bucky’s throat, fingers splayed wide, and Bucky swallows beneath the touch, aware of their breathing, everything.

“I like you, Bucky. So much. Too much, probably. You’ve been in my head for weeks now, before I even talked to you. And I thought that could be enough for me, I didn’t think I’d ever get to see you again. But now I’ve kissed you – touched you, you’ve let me see you, how beautiful you are, and I want to keep seeing that, and learning more, learning all the things you haven’t told me yet, all the good and all the bad and everything in between. And I want to see who you become, god, I want to see the day the rest of the world realises how perfect you are. The day _you_ realise it. I want it all, Bucky, beginning, middle, and end.”

“Hell of a speech,” Bucky says, overwhelmed, brilliantly so.

“I thought so,” Steve agrees, and pushes at the bottom of Bucky’s chin to tilt it upwards, bending his head awkwardly to capture Bucky’s lips, sweet and soft, delicate, like Bucky is something breakable. And then the kiss deepens, as Bucky pushes up against Steve, shifting so the angle is more comfortable, and Bucky plays dirty, showing exactly how unbreakable they are.

When they pull apart, Bucky’s body is bracketing Steve’s, and it’s only the haze of exhausted muscles that stops Bucky from grinding down. They shake their head, taking in the red of Steve’s lips and the blue of his eyes, familiar, so familiar, from cinema screen to Youtube videos on Bucky’s phone, sure, but familiar in a new way now.

“You’re not scared? That I might only want you for who I think you might be? That I’ll never see beyond that? That I have a goddamn secret Twitter account dedicated to you?” Bucky asks, open, voice quiet, but steady.

“I didn’t know about the Twitter account, but no. The fact you asked that proves to me that you see me pretty clearly, already. You wouldn’t have asked if you didn’t care. You care, Bucky. I care too,” Steve says, choosing his words carefully.

“You want me to be your girl, Rogers?” Bucky grins, and doesn’t wait for Steve to reply before pressing a kiss to the bow of Steve’s top lip, teasing and barely there.

“I really do,” Steve says, “or whoever you decide to be. I’ve had friends, a lover, once - a long time ago when we didn’t really have words for it, who are like you. Girls and boys and everything in between. Each one of them extraordinary, but none of them quite like you. I don’t get to feel like this very often, you know? I don’t look at people and feel _that_ , that urgency to sleep with them, to never stop touching them. But you? Goddammit. I’d believe in fate for you. Be my girl, Bucky.”

“How do we do this? You don’t even live here. God, I don’t even know when you’re leaving. Are you leaving? What do we do?” Bucky asks, words speeding up, mind whirring back up to full speed for the first time in days. It’d been so damn peaceful. Fuck.

“Ssh, it’s okay,” Steve says, stroking Bucky’s cheek. “Baby, I’m not going anywhere. Not right now, not for as long as I can. I’ll figure it out. _We’ll_ figure it out. If you want this like I do, then we’ll make it work.”

“You might get sick of me in a week,” Bucky says softly, not looking into Steve’s eyes, settling their gaze instead on the crooked line of Steve’s nose.

“Hey,” Steve says, “I know I won’t. Or – I can’t promise that. But I’m pretty damn sure. And anyway, who’s to say you won’t get sick of me?”

Bucky shakes their head, and looks Steve in the eye again. “Never.”

“Never?” Steve asks.

“Never. Which feels so ridiculous. How are you – it’s like you’re in my chest, like a second heart, and I need you to stay alive. ‘The fuck have you done to me?” Bucky wonders aloud.

“I feel the same way,” Steve says, and takes Bucky’s hand and places it to the _thud thud thud_ of his chest. “You’re in there, every beat, every single breath. If I didn’t have you, I think I’d forget how to breathe.”

Bucky blows out a long huff, and smiles.

“We’re doomed. We’re in too deep. Oh god, Nat’s going to kill me. She told me to be careful. And here I am. Here we are. Talking like this. Like this is going to be easy. You’re famous, Steve. Have you even checked Twitter? You’re probably still trending after coming out. If we do this people will see – me. Us. Everything. Are you okay with that? Shit, am I okay with that?”

Bucky feels their face getting red and their eyes getting damp. They shake their head again.

“Hey, beautiful, look at me, okay? I know it’s scary. And you’re right, it’s not easy. And if you don’t want that, that’s okay. It’d hurt like hell, but I’d understand. You could walk out of that door and not look back and I wouldn’t chase you because it’s your decision to make. I understand that I have a huge amount of privilege, that my job is safe and I have the money to fall back on even if it wasn’t. I don’t know if you have that. I know you might get vitriol I never would. And I’m scared for you. But dammit, if anyone says a fucking word about you and I hear it, I’ll kill them. They’d never get to say it twice,” Steve says, and his words echo around Bucky’s head and they swear there’s a bit of Nat in what Steve just said.

“I think you and Nat are going to be really good friends,” Bucky says. “You’re going to be insufferable.”

“She must love you a lot,” Steve says. Bucky nods.

“She does. She’d rarely admit it, but she does. And I love her. She – I don’t know, she protects me, but pushes me at the same time. Doesn’t let me get too inside my own head. Threatens to kill people for me, the usual, apparently,” Bucky gives Steve a look. “Where do I keep finding you people?”

“You must be someone worth fighting for,” Steve says, like it’s obvious. “And we’re all caught in your orbit. You burn so bright, Bucky, it’s beautiful.”

“Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,” Bucky repeats. “You’re going to wear that word out.”

“I’d be happy to,” Steve says, and presses up to kiss Bucky, once, twice, three times.

“I don’t know if I’m that brave,” Bucky admits. “In this room, in your bed, I can be. But if the world – if your fans, I know what they’re like because I am one of them, you know? They love you enough that they can’t see you with anyone else. Not all of them, but a few. I never – I got into more than a few fights defending people you were seen with. Oh god, this is so weird.”

Bucky collapses onto Steve’s chest and Steve lets out a small ‘ _oomf’_.

“I can’t say it’ll be different,” Steve says, his chin resting in the mess of Bucky’s hair, “because it won’t be. But I’m hoping it’s worth it. Is it worth it, Bucky?”

Bucky is quiet for a long time, running their finger up and down Steve’s side, over and between each of his ribs.

“Tell me I’m beautiful again?” Bucky asks, quiet, uncertain, like everything tips on this moment.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Steve says certainly, “I don’t have words for it. But I’m willing to spend the rest of my life trying to find them.”

“The rest of your life?” Bucky asks, and raises their head, nosing at Steve’s jawline.

“If you’ll let me,” Steve says.

“Let’s start with a week,” Bucky says, scared that it’s not enough, that Steve wants more than Bucky can give right now.

But of course, that’s not Steve.

Steve hums thoughtfully, and nods against the top of Bucky’s head.

“Okay, a week. We’ll start with a week,” he agrees.

Bucky knows, deep in their bones, that it’s going to be longer than a week. That they’re going to last longer than a week. They were always going to. It couldn’t be written any other way. But a week is small, safe, and a way to check how deep the waters are.

Bucky rests their ear against Steve’s chest again, listening to that heartbeat, and the _in out in out_ of Steve’s breathing. It’s like the sweetest lullaby.

They’re drifting off again, bone deep exhaustion like ether, and they know Steve is too, from the way his muscles have gone slack and soft.

Later, they’ll get up and Steve will order takeaway, and maybe after that Steve will use that clever tongue to make Bucky twist and gasp and spill over, and then, finally, Bucky will go home, and find it emptier than it ever felt before.

And a week will seem like no time at all, suddenly, not long enough by half, as Bucky takes out their phone to text Steve, asking to come back, because Steve’s right, when they’re not together, there’s a hitch in Bucky’s breathing, the air doesn’t hit quite right.

A week will pass, and Bucky will stay.

**Author's Note:**

> This AU has kind of... taken on a life of its own now - I have a million ides for ficlets like this. I have the next one already written, it takes place a year from this one and is very different, but I hope you'll like it, it'll go up next Wednesday.
> 
> As always, the utmost care was taken to respect Bucky's identity, though if I've messed up in any way, please feel free to tell me (nicely) in the comments.
> 
> I'm basing the more toxic elements of fan culture on what I used to see of Seb's fanbase back in the day (and let's be real, also now) - and considering Steve is an Oscar-nominated actor in this, I think Bucky is right to be concerned about what that would mean. Fandom is an amazing place, and I consider it my home, but every home has that one place where all the spiders live. 
> 
> I think the next thing I want to write might be outside of this AU, so I'm taking prompts, (let's be honest, I'm always taking prompts) over at jbbarnes.tumblr.com - feel free to ask for NB Bucky in different universes, or just whatever you fancy really. And I'm on Twitter at twitter.com/smallreprieves, if you ever want to talk, just message me like we've been friends for five years, no small talk. :) 
> 
> I'm thinking about writing a modern AU for The Witcher, so if you have any prompts for that, like, hit me up and I will love you forever.
> 
> Thank you again to my wonderful beta jesuisgrace, who I've had some very strange conversations with (especially when writing EUPHORIA)! 
> 
> Comments and kudos are amazing, no comment is too silly or too short. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, and as always, take care. :)


End file.
